And it feels good.

I've been meditating every day for almost six months. Now that I type it and can see it, it's almost strange how big and far away it once felt.

It's been a goal of mine, a deep desire, a true knowing that my Higher Self meditates every day. That was always one of the first things I was able to think of when I initially began looking forward to who I want to be. It started at maybe 21, the desire to become more. The wondering of "who do I want to be when I grow up?" Not what should I be when I grow up. Not what will be the most attractive or appealing to others when I grow up. But what will I be the happiest doing, the most satisfied and fulfilled with, in my personal future? The drive to act on that desire. The hopeful and eager devotion to weekly therapy, the deep dives into my cyclical patterns, habits in my relationships with self, food, and other beings, anything holding me back from true peace and joy.

"What does your Higher Self do?" This is what they always prompted, when I attended groups, workshops, when I saw psychics or mediums who guided me through deep healing meditations and other visualization practices. "What are her habits? What are her hobbies?" The first thing that was always able to pop into my mind was daily meditation. I just knew it was something my truest, most joyful, peaceful and inspired self was doing, out there in my future. For so long it was a desire, and yes, it is something I must continue, but at this point it is a habit.

I've traveled, camped, been exhausted or at music festivals with people I didn't know, out of my personal sacred space, and meditation held as a consistent priority in my daily routine. It's the foundational setting of my day. It's my initial connection with Self. It's the peering into my personal vibrational vortex of what else I am in the process of creating.

It is something for a while I felt I needed to do, or that I should do... and so I let go of it. Then it became an inspired action, a when-I-felt-like-it thing. Gradually, and then all at once, meditation became a part of my life. It's something so small that feels so satisfying and nourishing to remember that this is what I wanted for so long. Part of me wants to say 6 months isn't that long, and I still have days to go. Yet a larger, truer part of me knows, this is a checkpoint. A checkpoint that will only grow from here. It's the feeling of transition, the knowing this small easy habit of meditating for 15 or 20 minutes in the morning, is and has been changing me for the better.

And it's a more-than-meditation checkpoint. It's all tied together. The consistent feeling good, the consistent journaling and writing poems for my own pleasure. Drinking plenty of water every day, and kombucha every night. Cooking for myself, trying new recipes and making up my own. It's feeling happy with where I'm living and the relationships I'm co-creating. It's the adventures every weekend, looking at art and taking walks just to see what I can enjoy in the world around me. It's offering to take photos of groups attempting selfies. Getting yoga recommendations from the person behind me in the line to get ice cream, because I made a hungry comment about one of the flavors. It's flowing from once place to the next, connecting with all kinds of people along the way. Dressing in ways that make me feel good and smiling when I pass my own reflection. Feeling safe in my body and naturally, easily identifying what it is I am truly craving for dinner. Feeling good when I graze over my past, knowing what a joy this journey has been and will continue to be. Seeing my grandparents whenever I can and admiring the drumline at a football game. Consciously aware of my own consciousness and loving every breath I take.

It's the satisfaction of feeling delight and a love for life that I had wanted for so long, things that once had felt so far away... Simple delights that are now just a part of my life. It reminds me that all the other things, habits, and experiences I want now, are coming. They are not so far away after all. I am on my way to them as they are on their way to me. I am getting ready to be ready for what is coming, just as what is coming is getting ready for me to be ready for it.

And it feels good.