I know

I know, logically, that I create my own reality. I know that it is up to me to be aware of how I am feeling, and fine-tune my vibration to one of love, joy, and appreciation, regardless of what is occurring around me.

I know, logically, that I cannot control others around me-- the way they speak to me, react to me, or even look in my direction. Though I also know that I am attracting these things, attracting delightful surprises from colleagues in my office like beautifully wrapped lavender soaps and unopened jars of peanut butter. I'm attracting oat milk lattes from others who say, "my treat," and a speedy lyft to work in the morning, and somehow, even the check engine light in my dear benz, Carmen.

I also know, logically, of course, that contrast will always exist. There will always be reasons around me that I am able to use as an excuse to take me out of my feeling good. There will always be others who remind me that I want kindness and respect in my life, I want love and peace and joy. And there will also always be things to appreciate, reasons to smile. The creation of new memories, watering a resurrected relationship, the light shining on my wall in the shape of my window, and the shadows of tree branches on neighbor's roof. Emotional awareness in itself is always enough reason to smile. The key is juicing the joy for as long as possible, focusing on one good thing and letting it expand-- basking in it.

I know all these things and I also know that there is no regression. I can never regress back into who I once was, regress into an old behavior outgrown-- it is always new. So much of this year I've had this growing desire to deeply know these things, more than just logically. I want these pieces of divine wisdom to be the foundation of my being (and they are). I want these bright facts to be an inner knowing, an instinctual reaction to the unfoldings in my journey. I want this remembering to be the foundation of my Inner Society, and blossom into loving insights, divine communication, curiosity-driven actions, and an inner fire, burning passion for more joy.

And I know it will be.