Not Yours

I am going to tell you the story of how I watched you fall in love with me, even though I didn't fall after you did. Even though I don't understand romance.

We dreamt of rollerblading underneath bridges

and you growled like a mountain lion because you knew that I’m afraid of the wild

but I giggled and squeezed your hand that was resting on my thigh because I wasn't afraid of you.

You didn't brush my hair behind my ear or kiss my cheek,

but you asked me to stand with you and you’re in a place that looks like your mind is

silent.

And you said that you could feel the space between us,

that there are three elements in every relationship:

companionship

sex

and romance.

And you said you'd never had all three, always 2 but missing the last.

You said that you’ve never understood romance.

We were tipsy off rosé and you packed a pipe and we smoked on your back porch.

Kissing with the whistle of the wind,

listening to water

streaming down the creek

with muffled melodies playing behind your hair

that is long but not that long because I like long hair and I don't think you should cut it but you will.

And you say let's take a walk down the creek and I say ok and we leave your apartment.

And you don't turn off your lights and I say you're so sustainable.

You say you don't understand romance but we walked along

the creek and you looked back at me with your arm

extended, your palm facing upwards, asking to hold

mine.

You say you don't understand romance but you let your eyes

climb into mine and I think there's

a way out but I'm not so sure I'd like to take

that route

just yet.

You say you don't understand romance but then you told me

this is the spot and I turned and

the water was still, trees tall.

You say you don't understand romance but you give me a bottle

filled with melted snow that you got from

Antarctica when you did research there.

You say you don't understand romance but you scratch

my scalp, tangle my hair, and you say

"it's to say 'I'm here.'"

You say you don't understand romance and that

you feel naked around me, special

because I notice every blue vein,

every scar.

You say you don't understand romance but to be with me

is to unsheathe your heart again, again, again, leaving

echoes in places where bones meet flesh, flesh meets

unnamed places, meets heart.

You say you don't understand romance and that I'm powerful in

my presence with you, and you tell me,

you tell me when I am here you are nourished,

you are healing.

You drove me home and held my hand the whole way,

we were singing along with every song from Revolver.

You kissed my forehead and told me that I make you feel

more alive.

You say that you don't understand romance and I told you

I didn't want to belong to anybody and you told me that

I belong to the earth and I said yes.

You told me that I belong to the sky,

and I hummed.

You told me I belong to the winds,

the waters,

the oceans,

and the stars,

and I smiled

and I said

yes.